Growing up in a toxic environment

 

Growing up in a toxic environment is something most of us experience. According to Terence T. Gorski, M.A, N.C.A.C. 'It is estimated that approximately 70-80% of people come from a dysfunctional and toxic family' these numbers make it easy to understand why there is so much anger and hate pouring through and filling up our personal space that is supposed to be sacred to us. It is hard to get away from negativity because it is all around us, it is innevitable. 

For me personally, I grew up in a place where everyone was suffering silently. Nobody talked about their feelings. This led to expression in forms of angry outbursts, physical violence, bullying, belittleing, promiscuous sex, drugs/alcohol abuse, toxic partnerships, and the list only goes on.  As you may imagine, this takes a huge toll on a persons mental health and ability to develop strong and healthy relationships. Unfortunately, the relationships that are formed almost always end terribly. This is because of the misconstrued views that we have of ourselves and the world. 

It is not uncommon for a person raised in a toxic environment to over react in situations that those who grew up in a stable environment would not. People who grew up in a stable, loving environment tend to stay more calm in stressful situations. It is easy to view someone as irrational and over reacting if we are used to staying calm. This is exactly why relationships usually end quickly. Making it hard to understand the person who grew up in a different setting. Making it hard to differentiate. Until we've lived it, we don't really know. 

For two people who grew up in a toxic environment, it is much more complex. These people tend to be more stubborn, this is because of having to always defend themselves growing up. Letting their walls and guard down and showing vulnerability is a task not easily acomplished. Although the opposite is possible and does happen, it is very uncommon. 

Excerpt from Dr. Laura Schlessingers, [A Psychologist who specializes in marriage, family, and child counseling] book Bad childhood, good life [ Unfortunately there are too many children who experience even worse assaults on their innocence, minds, and bodies. Who then go into the world with aching hearts, yearning for peace and happiness, but not having any idea as to how to attain it. Many turn into adults who flounder, fail, struggle, suffer, and often, as the cycle goes, directly or indirectly hurt their own children.] 

A few examples of signs you may experience if you grew up in a toxic environment are:

1) Fear of manipulation- Growing up in a toxic environment usually comes with some form of manipulation from other family members. They do so to get what they want. This can cause avoidance behaviour and prevent relationships later in life when being raised in a family that is consistent in this.

2) Trust issues and Social interactions- Growing up in a toxic environment alters how we use our judgement of others. Feeling constantly on edge, just waiting for someone to over react, be blamed for something, be demanding of our time, or let us down. It is hard to trust people around us. We are constantly assuming people are just out to use us to get what they want. This is what we are taught growing up. 

3) Failure can Immobilize- Growing up in a toxic environment can make us feel constantly worthless and seeking approval from parents and other family members because we don't feel like we are good enough. This causes a low sense of self and leads to huge explosions from small failures. 

4) Not being able to self identify- Lacking positive role models to build our self esteem can leave us feeling unloved and unwanted. This can cause things like anxiety and depression, thus distorting how one views oneself. 

5) Feeling always helpless- If a parent fails to and continues to acknowledge their children as someone other than just a helpless child, even after their child reaches adulthood, can be harmful to a persons mental health. The parent wants to control and make their children feel guilty when faced with opposition. These children will most likely develop depression and anxiety, fear change, and have trouble fitting in. 

6) Constantly Anxious- It is more often than not, for a person who grew up in a toxic environment, to eventually get diagnosed with some form of anxiety. This is caused by instability from family, as well as from lack of security, and sometimes from mental and physical abuse. Symptoms of anxiety include- Feeling scared or worried, irritable, tense, restless, and trouble concentrating.

 These are just a few of many of the negative impacts of growing up in a toxic environment. 

It is imperative that we don't let our past control our future. It is time to break our family cycles.  Seeing a therapist or counselor can seem scary at first but It makes all the difference and helps in so many ways. We all need someone to talk to and there is nothing wrong with that. You can even get help from the comfort of your own home, places like Better help , Talk Space ,  Thrive Works  , and ,   7 Cups   are all excellent ways to talk to trained and licensed Therapist without even having to leave the house. 

It is information like this that I hope can help reach out and make us realize that the only person hurting us is ourselves. If we could start to let things go, and love each other just a little harder, our world could transform into the beautiful place it was meant to be. This change has to be made with the collective conscious and it starts with you. 

                       'If you want to change the world, start with yourself'  - Mahatma Ghandi

Do you have any tips or advice for people who grew up toxic? Leave your comments below